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MP3 Trouser Mouth - Rock N' Roll Whore
13 MP3 Songs in this album (27:33) !
Related styles: Metal/Punk: Punk Metal, Rock: Comedy Rock, Mood: Funny
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The Strange and Terrible Saga of Trouser Mouth by Chris Walter
Our story begins in the quaint little backwater known as Stony Mountain, Manitoba, where a convicted serial killer named Henry Lee Tubesock escaped from the maximum-security prison one night and impregnated a willing but mentally incompetent divorcee. Nine months later, following a host of serious pregnancy complications, Pantonio Tubesock was born. His poor mother (who shall remain nameless to spare her the shame) soon noticed that the boy was hideously deformed, making it appear as if a wrestling mask were permanently affixed to his face. Not only that, but Pantonio was an odd child who seemed to have an unnatural preoccupation with bodily functions. Female neighbours caught the three-year old spying on them as they went about their daily ablutions, and underwear constantly disappeared from laundry hampers. Seemingly unaware of his horribly mutated condition, the obnoxious youngster often held impromptu performances in which he would regale female classmates with potty-mouthed compositions about sexual deeds and bathroom activities. Cats went missing.
Around this time, the townsfolk noticed that a number of local children had also been born with the same mask-like affliction as Pantonio. T.S. Beats, Zip R Head, Two-Headed Git, Kubasock, Billy Ray Syphilis, and Pant E Sniffer all had physical defects that made them look as if they were wearing brightly coloured wrestler’s masks. The general consensus was that this was a good thing, since the children all seemed to be unnaturally ugly. Attributing the mutations to toxic chemical spills or generations of inbreeding, the good citizens quickly forgot about the repulsive children and went about their business. Perhaps it was best just to ignore these hideous freaks of nature.
The mutants banded together in elementary school to form an unholy alliance. Other students, traumatized and frightened, stayed as far away from the freaks as possible, refusing to utter their names upon pain of death. This made little difference to the mutants, and they embarked on a reign of terror that had the townsfolk quaking in their boots. The fiendish children broke into houses and chewed the gussets from panties, leaving grubby little fingerprints on lingerie, and raiding any available supplies of pornography and/or booze. They also stole musical equipment, and soon amassed a large collection of guitars, drums, and amplifiers. From a secret hideout deep in the woods rose an ungodly cacophony that sounded at times like Satan puking into a tuba. The little hellions punished their stolen instruments with malicious intent, reducing the gear to a sorry collection of smoking vacuum tubes and broken strings. Then they stole more equipment.
By the time the mutants reached adolescence, they had become a serious threat to the community. Local girls, attracted by the racket emanating from the secret lair, found themselves drawn to the mutants for reasons they could not explain. The unsuspecting females soon became sex slaves to the evil young men, indulging their every perverted wish and fantasy. Leaving home at an early age, the mutants made the secret hideout their primary residence, entering the town only to plunder and rob. They distilled their own moonshine and planted marijuana. Bed sheets at the mutant pad were stiff and crusty.
One night on a drunken raid, things went terribly awry. Pant E Sniffer and Two-Headed Git were shot dead when an angry citizen caught them in his wife’s underwear drawer. Escaping in the dead of night with only the clothes on their back and a trunkful of musical gear, the remaining mutants fled to Winnipeg, where they soon became fixtures on the local punk scene. T.S. Beats and Kubasock, however, soon ventured out into the world to play with many unknown and inconsequential bands such as DOA, JP5, TED, and SNFU. After years of this nonsense, the pair returned separately to Winnipeg, where the reunited group named themselves Trouser Mouth due to their predilection for the genital area. Trouser Mouth soon became a force to be reckoned with, and two or three people actually paid to see the raucous mutants perform. The big time had arrived.
Around the turn of the century, Trouser Mouth released two EPs (Flip Traps & Flap Jacks and Give Us Everything) which quickly sold out. In 2002, Trouser Mouth released the toilet bowl epic Only Users Lose Drugs, which reportedly shipped at least a dozen copies. This was followed by Kissing Hands and Shaking Babies in 2004. They were unceremoniously dumped by Reversed Records, but came roaring back in 2006 to release the blasphemous Steel Urinal!Pass the Puck. In 2009, the band embarked on a whirlwind tour of Finland and Bulgaria, scaring the bejesus out of the poor citizens and earning in excess of $22.43 USD.
Kubasock moved to Calgary with a fetching sex slave, and Billy Ray Syphilis found work herding cats on a pussy ranch, but both continue to perform with Trouser Mouth when busy work schedules permit. In 2010, the band was sued by A*l R*se after an argument with the diva over copyright infringements got completely out of hand. In order to cover mounting legal costs, Trouser Mouth released the libellous Rock n’ Roll Whore, which you are now holding in your hot little hands. Lawyers on both sides are eagerly standing by.
––Chris Walter
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