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Chapter 1: To Find the Solution, First See the Problem
If you think about it, you may have noticed how often people try to find solutions to a
problem without being sure what the problem actually is. You may also have noticed that
attempting to resolve a problem in this manner is futile-- in fact, it is nearly impossible!
In order to find a solution, it is essential to make acknowledging the problem the very first
step. While it would seem that this should go without saying, you would be surprised at
how many people miss it entirely, and try to rush headfirst into possible solutions without
fully acknowledging what difficulties they are up against.
With this in mind, you can avoid the time-consuming, frustrating trap which too many fall
into; and, instead, start at the beginning.
You can begin by asking yourself what problems you and your spouse are encountering.
You will then know what difficulties need to be resolved, and what you wish to
accomplish. A good way to go about this is to read through this book, and after you have
thought about the topics contained within, get together with your spouse for a discussion.
You can share your thoughts and feelings, and ask your spouse to share his or hers. Not
only will this help in making progress toward finding solutions, it will also open up the
lines of communication.
So, what kinds of problems are occurring in your marriage? Are you and your spouse
losing touch with each other from basic lack of communication? Do you feel as if you are
growing apart, and no longer feel as if you have an active place in each others lives? Are
there disagreements, or arguments, over such factors as money, jobs, children, and other
people? Are you and your spouse considering a separation-- or, even worse, a divorce?
These, as well as most other factors which can cause a marital relationship to fall apart, can
be resolved. You do not need a pile of modern books or other fads; and except in the
most extreme cases, you do not need couples counseling or therapy. You can begin to
put your marriage back together, reconstruct the joy that you both experienced at the
beginning, and use both that initial joy and your mature experiences to make your marriage
stronger and happier than ever!
After you have put some careful thought into acknowledging what problems you are
confronting, it is also important to decide what you wish to accomplish. Do you want more
quality time with your spouse? Do you want to be able to come to agreements, or respect
for different stands, on various important issues?
One important point to keep in mind is that goals for a marriage are as individual as the
people are individual. What this means is that what may be ideal for your friend or your
sibling may not be so ideal for you and your spouse; unfortunately, it may also mean that
what you want is not the same as what your spouse wants.
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